Saying No and Feeling Great About It

How many times have you said “YES” to something that you really just don’t want to do? Maybe it’s a work commitment or a social event, a school function for the kids, or your spouse’s softball game. Whatever it is, you’ve found yourself pinned against the fence and the “yes” drops out your mouth faster than you can catch it. Immediately you might feel some dread, knowing that the commitment is going to mean giving up something you actually do want to do. But god forbid you say no, the guilt would eat away at you. Am I right?

I’m actually a professional at saying no. I can remember getting fully dressed for New Year’s Eve parties through most of my 20s, just to call friends and tell them I was bailing at the last minute. I’ve recently had to say no to houseguests for no reason other than my own lack of mental capacity, and this very weekend I sent my regrets to two kids birthday parties because, well, just no. 

It seems that my casual attitude towards committment is not the norm. In fact, too many women report saying yes out of guilt, shame, or a fear of retaliation. Women say yes to committees at school, party planning at work, and plenty of other unpaid jobs because they feel like they have to. So how do we stop the cycle and start prioritizing what actually makes us happy and fulfilled as women and mothers? Let’s find out.

With me today is Molly Vasa Bertolucci, a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Poppy Therapy based in Los Alamitos, California. Molly works exclusively with moms and she is passionate about helping women develop and build the skills and social supports they need to cope with life’s major transitions. She loves helping mothers feel empowered and her focus is how to make mental and emotional health a priority while caring for others.